One fine morning, some dodgy Mexican dude wakes up to his dog barking (as usual). He goes out to check (as usual) and Rover comes in gleefully wagging its tail with the typical postman's arm torn from his body with the daily mail. Well, the guy takes a look at the mail and there's the mortgage and the other usual red bills..he pauses for a moment to think it through.."I got a my pay cut...mortgage is long overdue..hmmmm...i should pay..or else...mmmm..." Guy goes back in to change and then heads back out to his pick up, only to find it low on fuel and decides, " I shall fill up my pick up today...YES! Thats what i should do" and totally forgets about the overdue mortgage...again...
BUT! There are far more pressing issues than how the economic crisis was caused by a random Mexican dude...there's this thing i have going on with how people drive and the system.
Ya see, the really big problems on our roads are not caused by speeding, or drifting round roundabouts. No, they are caused by people who are thick.
Take inconsiderate parking for example, you don't see Brad Pitt leave his car across someones drive. The Sultan would not double park on a narrow street. And Stephen Hawking would not leave his wheelchair sticking out into traffic. Thats because these are clever people who think about the consequences of their actions. Morons on the other hand, do not.
They don't have the brain capacity. They think, "I want to go there so I shall park here." Any further thinking could cause their whole head to boil, and, as a result, they should not be at the wheel of a car.
I think much the same applies to people who drive very quickly pass schools. I don't do this. If you have read this far without exploding from the effort, you probably don't either. But the local Ah Beng and Mat Kool in their lime green and purple neon mobile disco on wheels thinks, "I am with a girl. If I drive fast down here, she will sleep with me. That is good."
In this respect, they are like lobsters. Proportionately speaking, lobsters are the least intelligent creatures alive, apart from Samyvellu. If they were the size of a man, their brains would be no larger than a pinhead. As a result, they know how to eat, shag and bite your finger if you try to put them into a pot of boiling water with bay leaf. And would you give a lobster a Driving License? Quite.
Only last week, i was driving on the Kesas behind a man who was driving at 30. Maybe he doesn't like speed. Or maybe he's been hit by the fuel crisis. Both of these are very good reasons for travelling at the same speed as the Pope. But to shake your fist and flash your lights when you are overtaken suggest that, most of all, you are a cloven hoofed imbecile. If i were in power, I would remove his License, his car, and all of his money so that he could never buy another. I would also remove his testicles to ensure that his seed does not get into the gene pool.
In the meantime, however, I propose we do away with driving test which demonstrates only that you can stop and go on a hill, parallel park by counting plastic markers (which never exists in the real world), and 3 point turn out of a designated area large enough to park 2 cement mixers with picnic tables at the side. A cow could do that if you could somehow get it behind the wheel. And whats the point of the multiple choice section? That you can operate a Mouse and that you are lucky? Neither will stand you in good stead when it's raining and late and your're trying to get out of Pasar Malam, in which you were never suppose to enter with a car anyway.
Instead, I suggest that we ask everyone to sit for an IQ test instead. A high mark indicates the candidate is bright enough to work out what controls in the car do what and that "R" is for "Reverse" and not "Race".
I have no clue where the benchmark should be, but we set a number and anyone who fails to make the grade is forced to take the bus instead which i am more than certain that our Government would be nothing less than happy with.
This way, there would be no need for speed traps and highway patrols shutting roads because some idiot has crashed. Intelligent people know what the steering wheel is for and what pedal they should press when they are heading for a tree.
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